If only I met you first..

***************************************


Mistakes you wish you never done..

Words you wish you never said..

Opportunities you wish you never miss..

Things you wish you never forgotten..

And...

Times when you wish you met her first..


***************************************

They met earlier before..
I met them later...
I met her before..
She met me later..

Her angelic smile always brighten my day of hell..
Her laughter comforts my angry heart..
Her eyes harasses my soul everytime she looks at me..
Her smell, one that I will never get fade up of..

She loves him..
He loves her..
I love her..
She loves him..

I never told her..
The feelings kept for years..
I never had the guts..
Even through those years..

He tries his best..
He shot her down..
He's always good at bull eyes..
So here they are..

A sweet couple they claim they are..
A disaster I claim they are..
A secret he wants to hide..
A secret she wants to share..

Is he afraid of her?
Or is she a toy to him?
She cries tears for him..
Yet, she's the one forgiving him!!

I can't stand this anymore..
But what can I do?
They are together now..
So what more can I say?

All I can do..
To wish her happiness..
To wish her laugther..
To wish her smiles..

But in my heart..the devil of truth bends my words..
To wish her sorrow..
To wish her cries..
To wish her tears..

Yes.. The devil is controlling me..
He says he will help me to forget..
So I curse and curse..
But the truth is, I still love her..

The devil list down ways..
He gave it to me..
It was for the better good..
So I started doing it..

Trying to avoid contact with her..
But destiny fights back..
Trying to run away from her..
But faith pulls me back..

Why?
A question that challeged Eistein..
I cried..
Yes..man do cry..

I need an angel..
But then i remember..
She was long gone..
Shot down by him..

I couldn't run anymore..
I wasn't Superman..
I am only just a man..
Man has limits..

So day by day..
I see them..
Wait...
Where's he?

But I didn't bother..
That's her problem..
I lied..
I cared..

I said hi..
She said hi..
A different hi..
Hers used to be so warm..

Her tone of sadness..
When she told me..
Her sound of shattered pieces..
Seems to never end..

"GOOD!!" My mind keep repeating..
That's what she get for loving him..
I was super happy!!!
I lied once again..

I couldn't see her cry..
I couldn't see her like this..
I vowed to make her happy..
I vowed I will always do soon since before..

So here I am..
So here he is..
Few punches hurts like hell..
Pain..a small matter compare to her happiness..

He said he will be faithful..
He swear in front of me..
He said he will love her..
He swear in front of her..

I fixed the disaster..
I fixed her shattered pieces..
I fixed her happiness..
But fixed non of mine..

I was still loving her from far..
Staring into the sky we used to stare..
Naming stars like how we used to..
Childish..but I did them just to be with her..

Playing in the library..
Playing in the laboratory..
Sleeping in class..
Skipping class..

Will he ever do these?
Will he hold when you cry?
Will he buy you, your favourite ice-cream?
Yes.. It's Vanilla Strawberry.. does he know?

It doesn't really matter...
I got used to it..
Eating Vanilla Strawberry alone..
Reminiscing all the old times..

History subject sucks now..
Different than before..
When there was her to teach me..
Now there's him to teach..

They're still together..I'm glad..
I lied.. I cursed..
I can't protect her anymore..
Now that it was time..

Hats are thrown..
Memories and contacts are taken..
Goodbyes are said..
Futures to get set for..

*******************************************

Years passed..
Got her "love" letters in my Inbox..
Saying that she's okay..
And that she was still with him..

My time got expensive..
Law course made it so..
Studies took me over..
And a Inbox begging for me for months..

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Went up to stage..
Got the best of the best..
Proud..
Happy? No..

She got engaged with him..
I was happy for her..
Not entirely happy..
Okay..I lied..Not HAPPY!

I got her invite..
Best boy?
I board the next plane back..
Just for her happiness, not mine..

***********************************

I dressed smartly..
Smarter than him..
I looked more like the groom..
I was being selfish..

I was in her dressing room..
Waiting for her to do her last preparations..
She looked gorgeous..wonderful..
The wife I would have wanted..

I talked as she await..
She was nervous..
But insecure on her choice..
Was he the right one?

I paused..
I was a different man..
Maturer..with guts..
I spilled my feelings out..

She was stunned..
I was stunned..
She smiled..
She cried..

The door opened..
The organ plays..
"It's too late...
If only I met you first.."

Standing next to HIM
Those words replay in my mind..
Like a broken record..
That I couldn't stop..

She walked down the isle..
I looked at her..
She looked at him..
He looked at her..

Father read the words..
Yes I do..
Yes I do..
"Happy" husband & wives..

*******************************

got drunk shouting in the streets..
Stupid? No..at all..
The chance I missed 5 years back?
STUPID~!@#$%^&*()_\

Look at me..
A lawyer..
Who can't even fight for his love?
Pathetic..

Love drunk..
I stood from high above...
Looking down..
Look likes heaven..here I come..

******************************

I hear voices..
I hear machines..
I hear my parents..
I hear cries..

But I lost here..
Where are these voices coming from?
I'm scared..
"Don't worried..I'm here"

Another voice..
Warmer..
I hear the voice much clearer..
I hear HER!

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I woke up in a bed..
Dress in the butt exposing robe..
I guess nobody wanted me..
Neither heaven nor hell..

My hand felt warm..
As I looked..
It was her hand..
Her warmth..

She woke up..
Her eyes showed her lack of sleep..
Her face left traces of dried tears..
Her voice sunk by long cries..

She hugged & I gasped for air..
She Thanked God & so did I..
She was glad & so was I..
She said something & I said "WHAT?"

**************************************

Once again, the organ plays..
A different setting..
A heaven like wedding..
A dream since she was a child..

I stood next to HIM AGAIN..
He looked smart..
I looked smarter!!!
Selfish? No...

She walked down the isle..
I looked at her..
He looked at her..
She looked at ME..

Why?
A question not challaging for Eistein..
Easy answer..
our wedding :)

Father read the words..
Yes I do..
Yes I do..
FINALLY the real HAPPY husband & wife!

"You may kiss the bride.."
We kissed.. My first kiss...
It was amazing..
To give it to her on this special day..

We ran down the isle..
Holding her hand..
Not letting go..
I swear it's for forever..

Still pinching myself..
A dream? No..
Telling myself..
REALITY!!!

As she threw the flower of happiness..
Into the sky it flew..
With our happiness..
And granted the lucky one the happiness..

We then kiss again..
My 2nd kiss..
In future to come..
Many more!!!

Her smile will brighten my hell days FOREVER..
Her laughter will comfort my angry heart FOREVER..
Her eyes will harass my soul as she looks at me FOREVER..
Her smell will always be with me FOREVER..

It's her..
Finally her..
I was alive for a reason..
It was for her..

It used to be me..
Wishing to hold her forever..
Wishing to love her forever..
Wishing her happiness forever..

Now..it's me..
Holding on her forever..
Loving her forever..
Giving her happiness forever..

========THE END==========

© Jeffery Jong Zhen Fei ^^